Dear Mr. Rule,
It’s come to my attention that you’re mounting a comeback into hip-hop. It is with great difficulty that I must inform you, on behalf of like minded citizens everywhere, that your services are not necessary.
You see Ja (can I call you Ja? thanks) a lot has changed since you released that Makaveli project.
-wait, that was Tupac…please accept my apologies. Come to think of it, I’ve never purchased/stolen a single one of your albums to be honest. Let me do some more background on wikipedia first, just hang back…
So, I just skimmed through your discog and took notice that you haven’t a song worth mentioning that didn’t have a few bars from someone else -what’s up with that Ja? Don’t get me wrong, gettin’ Hov to cosign you in the game & working with everyone from JLo to Weezy and goin’ triple plat is a great acomplishment (do they dip those records three times or does Fedex just bring three of them to the crib?). My point is that everyone has their time, and your time was up five years back when we were looking for Bin Laden.
Ja Rule, I know you got some mouths to feed, and that’s cool and all, but why should the rest of us suffer? Dude, can you take a hint?
1. “New York” was hot because Fat Joe and Jadakiss got on it. And people let it fly only because Curtis must have dippin’ in the supply, dissin’ everyone at the time. And if I have to tell you what really sold, “I’m Real” (hint: it wasn’t your clever lyrics), you gotta get your eyes checked.
2. Noone showed up to your last album release party, and this was the subject of a 1/2 hour MTV program -dude Won G got more love on the Lizzie Grubman show.
3. You’re getting your ass handed to you (no homo ’cause it seems to matter J-dog) by the media for what you said in Complex. I understand why you would think noone would notice -you have a record coming out in November! I’ll give credit where it’s due -you caught us all unprepared this time…
I’m sure your people are reading this like, “whatever JaJa, this dude’s a hater, who the fuck is he, he aint shit, he wouldn’t say it to yo face son, he’s gotta spend all this time writing this shit, who moved my cheese?” I bet they all think that every track on the new record is hot too.
I’m not mad at you goin’ peepee (no homo just in case) outside the club and gettin caught on TMZ (dude I don’t want to tip old dude a dollar everytime he hands me a towel or I grab a minty fresh either) or speaking on serious issues like the Jena Six. It’s you in the spotlight trying to hog all the shine, like when your big brother comes back in town from his first semester of college and bangs the hottest cheerleader during the homecoming game.
I gotta go JRuley, think about what you’re doing to the world and get at me dog.
Your friend over at CriminalSlang.com
P.S. J-Doggy, If you want to pop one of those new Ja Rule albums in the mail, that’d be cool, I heard it was hot.
